NOT COOL

WHAT?!?!?!?!

#!@%!^@*!^@#!$!@%@#$!

We’re so confused/frustrated/appalled that we don’t even know what word those symbols stand for!!!!

We are not ragging on Christians, chaste lifestyles or those who believe in the sanctity of marriage. We are angry about the GENDER-TYPING!!!!!!!!

This a website by Christian speaker/author/marriage counselor/uber opinionated Sheila Wray Gregoire. In her own words, “her passion in this life is to help strengthen families–to equip women to be the best wives and mothers they can be…”

Gulp. I’m trapped in a vacuum cleaner and I can’t get out! It smells like the 1950’s in here!

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Media Review – “Payphone”

“An Enjoyable, Mini-action Movie?” ENJOYABLE FOR WHOM??

2012

Maroon 5

“Payphone” from Overexposed

The last time I used a payphone was in Europe, because I didn’t particularly want to deal with international charges on a cell phone. I’ve never seen a working U.S. payphone booth actually in use. But out of all the things wrong with this video, that is a downright trivial detail. First of all, who thought it was a good idea to overlay the sound effects onto the music track? It’s percussive and distracting. Not that I’m sure I really want to hear Levine’s voice whining, “fairy tales are full of shit/one more fucking love song I’ll be sick.”

If this video is his idea of a fairy tale, imagination really is dead. The cliches are never-ending. I was particularly entertained by the transformation of the nameless “office girl” from uptight working girl to desparate, fleeing criminal. This begins at 1:28, where Levine’s character signs to her to take off her high heels. Now barefoot, she is dragged through the masses of her hiding co-workers by Levine, who’s toting a gun. Like this:

Couldn’t be more generic, right? Also, we don’t even get her face. Just the heroic man. I’ll get to him in a second. After losing her heels, being shot at, running down sidewalks barefoot, our girl also loses her updo. Well, heck. She was too uptight anyway! She looks MUCH more attractive like this:

Yep, he’ll definitely notice her now. Running for your life together is remarkably akin to a roll in hay. Sweat, adrenaline, disheveled clothes, the whole shebang. And naturally this happens:

(It’s okay, he has glasses and a business suit!  He’s not really a threat.) But then, instead of a kiss, Levine just lets go of her and bolts. Supposedly trying to draw the chase away from her. How noble. Except for the part where it’s his fault to begin with!

At 2:30, barely halfway into the video, the girl’s part is over. Fin. The rest of the film is just (another!) generic police car chase, complete with inappropriate balls of flame and impossible car escapes. The girl was just a catalyst to turn Mr. Meek Levine into an action hero, of course.

And what’s going on with men’s roles? Well, we have a screamingly-obvious dialogue between the Male Protector vs. the Male Aggressor. The obvious aggressors are the robbers at the beginning, whose violence threaten the girl. Levine takes the gun to protect her and himself. However, the police mistake him for an aggressor, which forces him to become aggressive, apparently. Instead of turning himself in and explaining the situation, he chooses to steal a car.  Because clearly there is no better way to handle it.

Maroon 5 could do well to look at some fairy tale literature–then at least they might think of something better than a regurgitated adolescent outlaw fantasy. And by the way, Levine, women are not props for your action hero dreams. We don’t owe you something for “saving us” from a predicament you created. As far as we’re concerned, this looks like an ego-stroking exercise in pointlessness.

Don’t call us anymore.

Media Review – “Heartless”

“Heartless,” But for Kanye It’s Hopeless

2008

Kanye West

“Heartless”  from 808s & Hearkbreak

Influences: Peter Max, Yellow Submarine, Pop Art

The premise is simple: woman are changeful and cold. And they can apparently take your soul, too! Who knew?

I listened to this song way too many times when it was released, I admit. It was always on the radio or playing over the speakers in a store.

I never got around to watching the video until a few days ago, and I was incredibly put off.

First of all, this is certainly the face of a woman who is cold and unfeeling:


Try again, Kanye. I’m not convinced she’s a bitch.

But more than the coloring book animation style, more than the trite story, what irritated me the most were the soup cans.

Because when I’ve just broken up with someone, I always go into my corner and cry under my paintings of Campbells. Right.

Needless to say, the shots of the woman and the soup cans drove me into an inarticulate rage. I spent half a minute trying to wrestle out words before I had to give up and type it.

Not only do the cans lack context, they also seem utterly devoid of any meaning. It just exists to reference Andy and pop culture.

How unique, a meaningless pop culture reference in a meaningless pop culture video.

At 2:20, the woman starts gyrating against a painting of a cartoon character. What is Kanye trying to tell me here? She’s just a decorative object similar to the pop art hanging all over the apartment. Also, she likes to corrupt boys by grinding her butt against them. Remember, she has no real feelings other than horny.

And then it gets even better. On the apartment walls are three more images of The Jetsons characters.

Animation is difficult and labor intensive and time consuming. Nothing is put in there arbitrarily. The juxtaposition of the male and female characters against the paintings of the Jetsons characters is not random chance. The male singer is positioned between the teenage girl and the mom, in front of the robot. Then there is a shot inserted where he is in front of the dog, Astro, which is presumably hanging in another part of the house. Astro has his huge tongue hanging out, panting for the sexy lady across from him. Or is that what Kanye is doing? He’s associated himself with lust, pure animal lust. I really find that slobbery tongue attractive, I do.

Now the woman is in front of the little boy Elroy. This character is the prodigy, the brilliant child in the family. But still a child, still controlled by father and mother. What are you saying to me, Kanye? Yeah, women might be clever, but you still look at them as children?

According to this video, women might be heartless, but it’s okay, they have their vaginas.

I’ll leave you with this, which I love because of its self-indulgent dependence on the male gaze. (Why have one, when you can have three???)